I’d tell you the one about the pencil, but there’s no point.
Similarly, I am not sure what the point of the following is, however here are some memories I have of school from the year 1992.
- Being stabbed in the back with a compass during class, and after having told the teacher, the rest of the lesson was spent listening to the other kids repeatedly saying “what’s the point?”
- Getting sent to the headmaster’s office for running in the playground. I accidentally ran into somebody, but retrospectively it was a playground, and being sent to the headmaster seems a tad OTT.
- Pooed my pants. As you do. Also something of a liquid event, but I was too embarrassed to say anything, so to avoid leaving wet patches on chairs I spent the day sitting on my lunchbox lid.
- Started supporting Arsenal.
- Dear Mr Haribo. Firstly to say, big fan. Secondly, have you ever thought to use the phrase “Eat Sweet Repeat” for a marketting campaign? No catch, it’s a free idea from me, to you. I’m not looking for money, just a few sweets will be fine. Thanks, Captain Breadbeard.
This week’s musical meandering has come together in the following part baked idea…
I Love Bread.
Actually one more… TFW you hear someone preach about the “I Am” sayings of Jesus, and it is the “Bread of Life” week. Thanks Matt. Also, I feel someone missed a trick in not calling it the IAMS series. People love cats.
Can someone please throw a Tintin fancy dress party so I can come as Captain Haddock.
This week on the Breadvine.
- Good service is alive and well in the Netherlands…
Waiter: If it’s too strong, then come back.
Me: Strong is good.
Waiter: Ok, then if it is too weak come back.
- Thor (in Ragnarok):
There was one time when we were children, he transformed himself into a snake, and he knows that I love snakes. So, I went to pick up the snake to admire it and he transformed back into himself and he was like, “Yeah, it’s me!”. And he stabbed me. We were eight at the time.
- Don’t judge a sweet by its wrapper.
Lady: Do you know where Sainsbury’s is?
Me: You’re close, just down this road on your right
Lady: Thanks. Are you interested in buying any clothes? Women’s clothes. (whilst pointing to a big bag under her buggy)
Me: I think I’m ok. Thanks? Good luck.
- Weatherspoon’s Special. To set the scene… The lady opposite was dressed smart for work and entertaining two French guests for breakfast, although she didn’t eat any breakfast herself. She perfectly played to the stereotype of an Englishman abroad, speaking to her guests in a loud, slow, condescending voice. After completing a lecture on the history of JD Weatherspoon, she attempted some conversation with them to fill the awkward situation. It was not going well, I zoned back in for this nugget:
Guest: I was recently in Japan…
Lady: Oh right, Moscow is near Japan?
Guest: No. I was recently in Japan.
Lady: I’ve never been to Japan.
Dropped the beat in Amsterdam.
We spent a week with the kids at Centre Parcs in Holland for Easter, which was great of course. But having “turned off” for a week it has been a struggle to get back into the creative gear. I’ve been working my way through some classic phrases to help get the beat back. ‘Tidy home, tidy mind’ has seen me spring cleaning, ‘If you don’t prioritise your time, someone will do it for you’ has got me organising lists and booking things into the diary. And ‘Where did you have it last?’ has got me contemplating a return trip to Holland to find my lost rhythm. Hopefully one of those will work, else I’ll have to rely on time healing everything. Hoping to have put together a long overdue podcast for next weekend… watch this space.